You and Your Support Team

You and Your Support Team

As a parent, you are in charge of your child’s care. Your child is dependent on you for everything that they need.

Being your child’s number one advocate is the most important job you have and can truly make a difference in how successful your child will be.

teen boy sitting on floor in front of couch and looking at phone
Dealing with a mental health issue is difficult, and the more support that a child has, the more likely they will be successful at managing it.

Being an Advocate

Parenting a child with a mental health issue can be incredibly challenging at times. Depending on the issue, your child may need regular psychotherapy, medication, and an incredible amount of support from family and friends. Parenting a child with a mental health issue means you are in charge of finding the appropriate services for your child, coordinating them, and monitoring their effectiveness. This guide can help you find your way through the mental healthcare system and offer tips and suggestions on where to start and who to contact, but it is up to you to make sure your child gets what they need out of the system. Finding good care for your child and watching them succeed can be very rewarding. You and your child both deserve that feeling!

Parents' Bill of Rights

I have the right

. . . to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my child.

I have the right

. . . to seek help from others. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

I have the right

. . . . to maintain facets of my own life that do not include my child, just as I would if they were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for my child, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.

I have the right

. . . to get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

I have the right

. . . to reject any attempts by my child, conscious or unconscious, to manipulate me through guilt or depression.

I have the right

. . . to receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance from my child for what I do, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

I have the right

. . . to take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken me to meet the needs of my child.

I have the right

. . . to protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my child no longer needs my full-time help.

I have the right

. . . to expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid children with mental health issues in our country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.

Assertiveness

What is and is not assertiveness?

Assertiveness is: 

  1. Stating your needs clearly and directly.
  2. Stating your ideas without feeling guilty or upset.
  3. Sticking up for what you believe your child needs - even though professionals may not agree.
  4. Knowing your rights and how to assert them.
  5. Noting what your child needs and all facts pertaining to their case.
  6. Treating professionals like partners.
  7. Effective communication.
  8. Sharing your feelings of self-confidence when you communicate with others.
  9. Advocating effectively on your own behalf.
  10. Self-reliance and independence.
  11. Sticking with it until you get all the services your child needs.
  12. Studying a problem and pinpointing areas of responsibility.
  13. Advocating to get necessary legislation passed and getting it put into practice.
  14. Organizing for change.
  15. Having a positive attitude at all times.

Assertiveness is not: 

  1. Beating around the bush instead of stating your needs.
  2. Feeling too guilty or afraid to express your needs.
  3. Agreeing with professionals - no matter how you feel - because “professionals know what’s best.”
  4. Not knowing about your rights.
  5. Leaving everything to others because “they know how to do these things.”
  6. Apologizing when asking for what is rightfully yours.
  7. Ineffective communication.
  8. Begging for what is legitimately yours by law.
  9. Handing over your right to advocate on behalf of your own child to others.
  10. Solely depending and counting on others.
  11. Giving up when you run into “red tape.”
  12. Reacting before you get all the facts.
  13. Letting the politicians “take care of laws and all that political stuff.”
  14. Acting “only” on your own behalf.
  15. Giving in to defeat.

Building Your Child's Support Team

Building a support team is a great way to offer your child the support and encouragement that they need. A support team is a network of people that care about your child and can include family members, family friends, teachers, your child’s pediatrician, your child’s mental health specialists, and other members of the community. A support team can also help you—as a parent and an advocate. 

Tips for Building a Support Team

Here are a few suggestions to begin building your support team:

  • Decide how much information you are willing to share with others about your child’s mental health issue. If your child is old enough to participate in this decision, ask for their opinion. Explaining aspects of your child’s mental health issue may require sharing personal information about your child and your family. You, your child, and your family need to decide how comfortable you are talking about these details with specific people.
  • Make a list of people who you think should be a part of your team. What would make each person a good advocate for your child? Do they have skills or access to resources that would be useful? Do they have time and interest in being a part of your team? Talk to them about what role would be the best fit for them.
  • When you build your team, talk to each person about respecting the confidentiality and privacy of your child. You may be comfortable sharing some details of your child’s mental health issue with them, but you may not want them to share those details with other people.
  • Create open lines of communication with people on your team. Even if you have decided to limit the amount of information you share, try to talk regularly to your team about the things you have decided to share. Communication about the needs of your child, yourself, and your team will help you get the most out of your team without causing harm or undue stress to anyone.
  • Share the responsibilities of supporting and advocating for your child. Each team member brings their individual expertise to the table, as well as their unique relationship with your child. Different perspectives can be very helpful.

Privacy and Sharing Information

It is important to protect your child's privacy about their mental health. Yet, at the same time you need to share important information with teachers, family members, and members of your support team. Stigma is created by secrecy, so be as open and as matter of fact as possible. When sharing information with schools, it is often helpful to have your child's pediatrician or mental health specialist write a letter to provide specific information as needed.

Bradley Hospital