Parenting adolescents can be one of the most rewarding—and challenging—journeys. For families whose children struggle with strong emotions or difficult behaviors, finding the right approach can make all the difference.
One approach that I’ve found offers success for parents and teens is dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT. DBT offers practical tools parents and caregivers can use right away to strengthen communication and reduce conflict at home.
What is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based form of therapy that blends cognitive-behavioral techniques—such as noticing unhelpful thoughts, challenging and replacing them with helpful thoughts and actions—with practices rooted in mindfulness and acceptance. Originally developed to treat individuals with intense emotional responses, it has since been adapted for many settings, including residential programs for teens.
At its core, diialectical behavior therapy (DBT) balances two seemingly opposite ideas: acceptance and change. As parents and caregivers, we have to try and accept that no child or adolescent wakes up in the morning and says, “‘I really want to get into trouble. I'm going to drive my parents crazy, and I want to drive my teachers nuts.” Children and adolescents are still learning the skills to meet their needs and navigate the world in an effective way, so their way of making their needs known comes across in ways that maybe don’t make sense to us as adults. We accept that and we push them to learn skills; to do things differently.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Therapy - It's Not Just for Kids
Amanda Pelletier joined the Bradley Hospital podcast Mindcast: Healthy Mind, Healthy Child to discuss how DBT can benefit parents and children alike.
Role of validation
One of the most practical dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills for parents is learning how to validate their child’s feelings. Validation does not mean agreeing with everything a teen says. Instead, it means acknowledging the underlying emotion.
For example, when a child resists bedtime, a parent might respond, “I understand you want to stay up later because it’s summer and still light outside. At the same time, you need rest for tomorrow.” This approach shows empathy without compromising boundaries.
Reinforcing the positive
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) also emphasizes the importance of focusing on what children are doing right. Many kids are used to hearing a steady stream of “don’t do this” or “stop doing that.” As parents and caregivers, we can instead shift the focus toward clear, specific requests and praise desired behaviors.
For example, here’s how I might use this technique when asking my 14-year-old to clean her room. Instead of the vague command, “Clean your room,” I would break it down into specific steps: “Make your bed, pick your clothes up off the floor, let’s work on organizing your desk.” Then, once each step is completed, I would acknowledge the work she’s done. Celebrating each completed task gives teens a sense of accomplishment while reducing frustration for both parent and child.
Practicing self-care
One dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill that everyone—parents, caregivers, and adolescents—can use is practicing self-care. Self-care doesn’t have to mean a trip to the spa. It's really those essential things we have to do on a regular basis to decrease our own emotional vulnerability, such as making sure we're eating well and exercising.
I like to remind families to care for their physical health, avoid mood-altering substances, and build daily habits that support emotional balance with the acronym PLEASE. This stands for:
- PL – treat PhysicaL illness
- E – Eating balanced meals
- A – Avoid mood-altering substances (drugs)
- S – Sleep
- E – Exercise
When our physical needs are met, we’re in a better place to manage our emotional needs and make healthy, productive decisions and act accordingly.
Small wins, lasting change
Progress often comes from small, intentional steps. Being specific with expectations, noticing moments of success, and celebrating family wins—whether it’s finishing a meal without conflict or working together on a household task—can gradually shift the tone at home. It makes us all feel better when we have something to celebrate.
By blending validation, clear communication, and self-care, parents can reduce power struggles and strengthen family connections. And over time, DBT strategies can help teens build the skills they need to thrive.
Bradley Hospital offers a program to help teens and caregivers learn DBT skills and engage in meaningful, mindful conversations. Learn more about the Mindful Teen program on our website.
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